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“But In The End It Doesn’t Even Matter” – Thoughts For Chester Bennington

This is the official Tweet from the band… No words… Just this photo…

I can only imagine that words are too painful for now… or there are no words… no sentences that can be formulated… And a picture says so much… THIS picture says so much.

And yet… all that is not enough. The lights, the music, the adoration… the fame, and maybe fortune… None of that can inoculate any of us from pain and sorrow and whatever other dark forces try to pull us down.

In one of my favorite Linkin Park songs, “Bleed It Out”, Chester sings:
“Filthy mouth, no excuse
Find a new place to hang this noose
String me up from atop these roofs
Knot it tight so I won’t get loose.”

Chilling.

I always liked this band and their hybrid of Metal, Rock & Rap. I liked that they were mostly local boys… the band is usually referred to as coming from Agoura Hills, CA… and while definitely not my generation, they were close enough.

I had the pleasure of seeing them live once, at the Epicenter Festival at the Pomona Fairplex, and they were fantastic. And all seemingly nice guys. I’ll never forget that day… Saturday, August 22, 2009. My buddy Russ hooked us up with the full VIP… backstage… All Access… It was great..  Definitely spoiled by that one!

The line up was epic… Street Sweeper Social Club (Tom Morello’s side project at the time), Hollywood Undead, Atreyu, Wolfmother, Alice in Chains, Linkin Park and Tool.

Wolfmother, Alice In Chains and Linkin Park were the highlights for me… and seeing all those guys backstage was pretty amazing.

Today was a pretty shitty ass day, so I guess I was raw and nervy to begin with…

I guess that happens when you wake up to find someone had rummaged through your car late the night before, and had stolen a bunch of shit. Technically, they did not break in, since it seems that I left the car unlocked… Trusting bastard that I am… or most likely I just forgot.

And I got lucky in that they dropped a ton of stuff on my lawn… gift cards… sunglasses… a wallet with my insurance and registration in it. But the whole thing is just creepy and bizarre… and yes, you feel violated. I was actually shaking when I realized what had happened.

They took quarters out of a box I kept change in, but left some dimes and pennies on the car floor… They got away with some certificates for The Habit, but left some for Souplantation.

Apparently at least seven other cars were hit, including four or five of us here… so this was a well executed night. No one was hurt and it is just “things” but the idea of buying a gun has crossed my mind yet again.

And oh yeah… OJ was granted parole. I know the law is the law, and he paid his dues for THIS CRIME…but this spouse-abuser and double murderer does not deserve a minute of non-prison air. Not one.

So I was edgy and not happy, but is that the reason I shouted out loud when seeing the news of Chester Bennington’s death by suicide (hanging)? Or was it that he was only 41? Or perhaps it was the notion that fame and fortune and success could mean nothing in the face of whatever pain lies on the other side?

Clearly we’ll know more in the coming days… drugs… depression… all of the above. But six children… a wife and an ex-wife… I mean… I am speechless. Cannot wrap my head around that. Or maybe as I get older, I can and that is what scares me.

What signal does this send to the fans… to kids who have no fame, no stardom… to see their lives as lost and hopeless?

For someone who is sometimes stuck in the “If this happens my life will be better” mentality, things like this strike me to my core…

Life has to be better now… and if we need to scream or even whisper for help, we need to do that! Do NOT hold things inside. There is ALWAYS SOMEONE OUT THERE TO HELP!

And for those on the other side… SEE THE SIGNS… HEAR THE CRIES AND SOMETIMES ALMOST SILENT WHIMPERS AND INVISIBLE TEARS…

ALL OF US need to be present… ALIVE in each and every moment… And while we certainly can and should strive for more, we MUST FIND JOY in what is in front of us… and in what we have… NOW. 

“What I’ve Done”

“Formed in 1996, the band rose to international fame with their debut album Hybrid Theory (2000), which was certified Diamond by the RIAA in 2005 and multi-Platinum in several other countries. Their following studio album Meteora continued the band’s success, topping the Billboard 200 album chart in 2003, and was followed by extensive touring and charity work around the world.

Having adapted nu metal and rap metal to a radio-friendly yet densely layered style in Hybrid Theory and Meteora, the band explored other genres in their next studio album, Minutes to Midnight (2007). The album topped the Billboard charts and had the third-best debut week of any album that year.”
(Wikipedia)

Ironic that I have been writing a lot about Metal music lately, and this band was considered to be in the Nu Metal genre. And perhaps most ironic and chilling yet again, are the lyrics from their hit song “In The End.”

It is hard not to grab onto some of the lyrics given what happened… Apparently Chester did not like this song initially, but it wound up being the “highest charting single in the US, debuting at #78 and peaking at number 2 on the Hot 100 in March 2002.” (Wikipedia)
“I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me
Will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter”

Life matters… Life matters.

“In order for us to truly experience everything the world has to offer, we must first come to appreciate all that we already have.” (Deepak Chopra)

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2 Comments

July 20, 2017 · 5:31 pm