An Apple in the Palm of My Hand

Two open letters…

Dear Palm:

I have been a loyal customer for years and years, and now I realize that it is for the same reasons that someone becomes addicted to crack.  You make a product that is really hard to get off of… You make it nearly impossible to go cold turkey and find something else, something healthier.  And you suck me in to your evil world of quirky products that seem to have a mind of their own, while always messing with my mind.

My large number of contacts and notes and tasks have moved from handheld to handheld, from smart phone to smart phone… But I’m finding your phones aren’t that smart.  Sometimes they cause a very bad trip… like when it takes almost a full minute to open a contact, and the further I am down in the alphabet, the longer it takes.  But according to your “counselors” it is my data and not your software… even though the same data never had a problem on your previous phone.  And yesterday, when I was performing a hot sync… that’s a back up you pervs… your phone and software decided it would be lots of fun to duplicate every one of my contacts.  What is even sicker than me having over 6,000 contacts (Hey, how do you think I get to be the Human Zagat?!) is that you know this is a problem, yet offer no solution of your own.  What your technical support agents, who live in the lovely San Jose suburb of India, offer up, is telling me to go buy a third party software.  So let me see if I get this straight… You get me high, screw me like a street whore and then pawn me off to a complete stranger.  Nice.

Yeah, I see your fancy, shiny new Pre.  I see it.  I even started sweating and shaking.  I wanted it… I had to have it… I was even considering spending more money for a new plan in order to get it… a plan that would cost me an additional $25 a month and give me half as many minutes as I have now.  But then I realized I had to pay for a stranger to come in and clean my sheets of an extra 6,000 contacts.  Or manually delete each and every one… another great suggestion from Joe from Bombay.  Well you know what I have to say?  Take your Palm and shove it.  I ain’t working here no more… and apparently, neither are any Americans at Palm!

Dear Apple:

After the Tech crash I could have picked up your stock for $12 a share.  Even though I was a lifelong devotee of your products and myth, I did not.  Doh!  Double Doh!  Yes, I am an idiot that way.  This was the one stock I should have bought… I knew the products, I loved the products, I used the products and I understood the philosophy.  Instead I bought stocks whose products I did not understand… whose numbers looked too good to be true… Hmmm, where have I heard that before… and now all those stocks are worth the paper they were written on.  Wait a second, I traded electronically.  )(_*&^%$^#^&*()_(*&^%$!!!!

Anyway, I’d really appreciate you selling me some shares at that $12 price, since it was my true intention to buy it then.  Thanks.

If you’re looking for a good reason as to why you should do that, consider this.  I am trying desperately to become an iPhone user.  I am sure you would like me to become an iPhone user, so that you would then control almost every aspect of my life… my computer, the way I listen to music and the way I communicate.  But even though you know the Centro sold 2 million units right off the bat and competed with the iPhone and that the new Pre is giving the iPhone a real run for your money (App store debacle aside), you have yet to come up with a way for people to switch ALL of their information from the Palm platform to Apple!


When one goes on line, one does not find any official information from Apple.  One has to use Google to search for forums and pages where people describe how they can kind of switch over their contacts, but no memos, tasks or calendar.  So for those of us who have been taking notes, making friends and keeping and updating their information for years, we are essentially unable to switch to Apple in a nice, clear and easy fashion.

While your tech support actually does seem to hail from a real suburb of San Jose… I’ll set aside the horrible event in China from a little while back… you could be KING OF THE WORLD if you would just help us Palm addicts go through a nice, guided withdrawal and move us more easily into the comfort of your own addicting iPhone.  Well, that and making the battery and the actual phone part better… and perhaps getting rid of the evil, call dropping, AT&T.  Let me know what you think… about the shares of stock and the Palm transfer.  Have Steve call me, would ‘ya?



Filed under Life... Plain and Not So Simple, Portrait of the Artist As a Bitter Young Man

2 responses to “An Apple in the Palm of My Hand

  1. Hi Marc. After years of being unable to sync my computer(s) to my palm(s) I finally jumped ship to iphone. I got tired of having no idea what my schedule was every time I left the house. (I didn’t leave the house much.)

    I tried the Pre first–loved it–but couldn’t get any sprint reception at home though I’m half a mile from three–count’em three!–sprint towers.

    So now I have an iphone, though I’m keeping my paleolithic treo on standby in case I actually want to make a phone call some day.

    Here’s how to sync your calendars and contacts with your iphone: gmail. You can sync your Outlook calendar and contacts to Google, then choose gmail for your contacts and calendar on your iphone.

    Peace out, man.

    Morgana your lovely techno tart

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