Let me say that the new version of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here” is one of the biggest, most disgusting pieces of crap I have ever seen. The only reason I watched any of the first incarnation was because a college friend of mine was the funny and sarcastic host.
I was reading through a pile of magazines and had the TV on in the background when this monstrosity took up valuable air time. I shut it down after ten minutes and have eternally lost any and all respect for Lou Diamond Phillips… Sad… And while I have never seen a minute of The Hills, I can say that Heidi and Spencer and the fact that they have even an iota of “fame” is what is wrong with our media and our society. I refuse to say another word about them or this piece of shit show.
Thank you and good night.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled program.
THE ROAR OF THE CROWD
Filmmakers take note of the power of sound…
Last night I heard a horrific sound coming from my backyard. We have a large slope, and behind it is a culvert or ditch. Aside from rabbits, who have left more pellets on my lawn than an overactive Boy Scout with a BeBe gun, I have heard packs of coyotes up there from time to time.
A howling, solo coyote is not all that intimidating to me… although I will admit being a little nervous the first time I saw one in person, sitting by my front door. But if you have ever heard a pack of coyotes initiating an animal or perhaps fighting over a dog or cat, the sound is pretty frightening. They are rabid and fierce and alternate between yelping like dogs and growling like wolves… with a little cat in heat to boot. I remember walking into my yard, hearing this for the first time and running back inside in fear. It scared the shit out of me…
In fact, I have even found a rabbit… well, what was left of the rabbit, in my backyard… It was as if the coyote had been watching Fatal Attraction.
But last night… Last night was even worse.
I heard these odd noises,something different, and so to see what was up, I opened the door and walked outside into the backyard. My little 8-pound, fluff-ball of a dog tried to run out with me, but I made sure she did not move out of the house. This little crazy, I’m scared of Chihuahuas has a tendency of running up the hill to chase rabbits… dangerous… and I did not want her anywhere outside. Even though most things scare her, it seemed like she wanted up that slope.
At first the sound was similar to the pack of coyotes going crazy that I have heard before… but then there was a low, loud growling… It was as if an episode of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom was playing out in my yard. But this was real… and this really, truly and deeply scared the shit out of me… More shit than before… This may have been the single most terrifying sound I have ever heard.
It was as if a pack of wild, drooling, blood thirsty coyotes were attacking a mountain lion. Yelping… screaming and again, this loud, ominous growl… snarl… Damn!
The noise was so disconcerting, that I ran back inside, locked the doors and called the Sheriff’s station. They referred me to the Animal protection folks, who rather calmly said they’d come by tomorrow to check it out…
Tomorrow? Tomorrow???!!! I could be eaten by then… Of course, as I was on the line with them, the sounds stopped… And as I stood in my backyard in silence, feeling a bit silly, I could not help but wonder if the Smoke Monster from Lost had come to judge me.
I have not yet seen Sam Raimi’s new horror flick… but if I heard this sound in a movie theatre, I would jump out of my seat or pee in my pants. This was beyond… way beyond…
And yet, at this point and perhaps never, I have NO idea what the hell it was… Oooohhhhh…